Re-Assess Those Red Flags

March 29th, 2010

My best advice for mate selection? Make a cool, level-headed assessment of your potential souse. There are few things you can do AFTER marriage to compensate for choosing poorly. One of my favorite books on the matter, and one I suggest everyone keeps on their bookshelf, is Dr. John Van Epp’s “How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk!” His advice? Study your dating partner’s FACES – family dynamics, attitude, compatibility, examples, and skills.

When red flags surface, consider the following questions within each category:

  1. Family Dynamics – Is there evidence of this issue in his or her family background? Is this something learned from family?
  2. Attitudes – Is this consistent with how his or her conscience works? Has he or she expressed remorse and been motivated to address it?
  3. Compatibility – Is this something that conflicts with your own morals, values, and goals?
  4. Examples – Is this how he or she treats friends, co-workers, or an ex? Even interacting with a waiter or waitress can be a clue.
  5. Skills – How does he or she communicate and handle conflict or anger?

Just like in your career, certain skill sets are needed in order to be successful. It is no different in marriage! Now go and choose wisely for yourself. My favorite relationship compatibility assessment can be found at-

Take it today ~ whether you are married, engaged, dating or single!

~Dr. Liz