Traits or Truths About Men

August 4th, 2010

Dear Dr. Liz:

I remember reading an article of yours printed in The Salt Lake Tribune that listed traits or truths about men. I’ve looked everywhere to find it but with no luck. I’m hoping you can send it to me directly; I want to use it for my best friend’s bridal shower. (thought it might be better to play a game that’s informative instead of just silly.)

Thank You –

Lisa

Dear Lisa:

What a great idea to add a little education into some bridal shower fun! The author of “For Women Only,” Shaunti Feldhahn, interviewed 1,000 men to find out what makes them tick. Throughout time, both genders have remained somewhat of a mystery to each other; while that may never change, it’s useful to stay abreast of what’s being written in the relationship section of your nearest bookstore. May we NEVER stop being open to learning about ourselves, and each other. Here is the culmination of Miss. Feldhahn’s research:

  • We’d Rather Feel Unloved than Disrespected

We want to be respected publicly and privately by our wives. We thrive when our wives trust, admire and believe in us. (Men would rather sense the loss of loving feelings from their wives than disrespect. That’s HUGE!)

  • Our Anger is Often a Response to Feeling Disrespected

We may not say it directly but if we’re upset it’s often because we’ve been stung by something our wife has done that we feel is disrespectful or humiliating. (The worst possible scenario? When a man feels he is being spoken down to in front of family or friends. OUCH!)

  • We Fear Not Cutting it in Life

When our wives are on our side, we’re confident across the board: at home, work, as husbands and as fathers. We need affirmation and we need it from “her.”  We don’t need flattery; just validation that we’re good, capable, and respected. (I hear a theme here…)

  • We Feel Responsible as Main Provider Regardless of Wife’s Occupation

We’ve been hard-wired over centuries that it’s up to us as men to provide for our families. We feel stressed by others’ expectations and the emotional burden is tremendous. The best thing a wife can do is show appreciation, encouragement and support. (Men need cheerleaders; not coaches!)

  • We Deeply Love Our Wives

We love the companionship, kindness, laughter, nurturing, cooking, and cuddling. We just aren’t very good at telling you about our feelings. (So, let’s notice where men do express their feelings; and it’s usually in actions!)