Marriage Myths – Part 3

May 10th, 2012

Welcome to Marriage Myth #3!  As you read on, I encourage you to search the corners of your own mind, invite your partner to do the same and discuss together your beliefs about what marriage means.  When you both honestly make the effort to do so, I anticipate that your connection will blossom, your patience for one another will increase, and your love will deepen.  Give it a shot and please let me know how it goes! (PS – What did you and your spouse discover about your endorsement or rejection of Myth #2?  I’m looking forward to reading your comments.)

Myth #3: I can change my spouse by pointing out his or her inadequacies, errors, and other flaws.

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Whew!  Finally!  A myth that is EASY for me to debunk.  I probably have my years as a direct care counselor in residential treatment to thank for this reality check.  Those teenage girls taught me that unless someone feels absolutely accepted as they are, no one wants to risk making changes.  Change is hard.  Change is scary.  Hard-won changes might not always stick for the long term.  If a person already feels unsafe in her relationship, there is very little incentive for her to put herself out there by admitting a deficit and attempting a remedy.  The fear of failure can be overwhelming, especially if there is uncertainly about whether or not the relationship can successfully absorb the failure.  Someone in an insecure relationship might think, “My spouse is already annoyed with me/doesn’t understand me/doesn’t love me as I am.  If the changes I try to make don’t stick/don’t happen right away, my spouse will just be less understanding/more angry.”  Why should I even bother?

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Marriage Myths – Part 2

April 19th, 2012

Welcome to Marriage Myth #2!  As you read on, I encourage you to search the corners of your own mind, invite your spouse to do the same and discuss together your beliefs about what marriage means.  When you both honestly make the effort to do so, I anticipate that your connection will blossom, your patience for one another will increase, and your love will deepen.  Give it a shot and please let me know how it goes!  (PS – What did you and your spouse discover about your endorsement or rejection of Myth #1?  I can’t wait to hear your comments.)

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Myth #2: No matter how I behave, my spouse should love me simply because he/she is my spouse. Read the rest of this entry »

Marriage Myths – Part 1

April 6th, 2012

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During a recent Tuesday evening class, my Marriage and Family Therapy cohort friends and I engaged in a lively debate regarding commonly held myths about marriage.  As I fancy myself an educated, enlightened woman, I was quite surprised to learn that I unconsciously endorse some of the myths that have been proven to poison marriages.  My shock in coming face to face with my own unhelpful beliefs prompts me to use the next ten blog posts to explore the validity (or not) of commonly held marriage myths.  As you read on, I encourage you to search the corners of your own mind, invite your spouse to do the same and discuss together your beliefs about what marriage means.  When you both honestly make the effort to do so, I anticipate that your connection will blossom, your patience for one another will increase, and your love will deepen.  Give it a shot and please let me know how it goes!

Myth #1: If my spouse loves me, he should instinctively know what I want and need to be happy. Read the rest of this entry »

Perspectives from the Potty

March 1st, 2012

Though we’ve been married for a little over a year, my husband and I just recently weathered the marriage milestone of setting up our first home together.  Right after our wedding, for reasons of finance and convenience, he moved into the condo where I’d been living during our engagement.  Since the feel and flow of that home was already established, we didn’t spend much time organizing kitchen processes or arranging furniture as a team.  At the time, I didn’t recognize the many concessions my husband probably made as he worked to make my living space his.  Unconsciously, I suppose I just assumed that what worked for me would work for him. Read the rest of this entry »

Why get married?

February 16th, 2012

Hello Everyone!

 

http://www.dow.org/Departments/Life/MarriagePreparation.aspx

I hope you all had a great marriage week and that you were able to strengthen your relationships with all of the great programs out there. As you all know I am newly married and I must say, the married life is awesome and full of great surprises! One of those surprises came the other day when my wife and I filed our taxes; it turns out we got a larger refund for being married, how awesome is that?

The theme of today’s post has to do with the benefits of being married, during my single years I never understood how tying the knot could positively affect me. In all honesty, I really thought of marriage as a miserable process people went through. Why they got married? I had no idea. Then I met my beautiful, wonderful and spectacular wife. While we were dating I started to feel a deep connection to her and I started to see myself change for the better. I gave priority to her feelings instead of maintaining my own selfish behaviors.

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Meet Candice

January 29th, 2012

Hello Stronger Marriage Blog Readers!

I’m so very honored by the opportunity to share my perspective regarding life’s most rewarding (and often most challenging) partnership. Megan has done a great job paving the blogger’s way for me and for Tim. I’ve enjoyed reading her insights and I promise to do my best to keep her energy, wisdom and wit going with each new post. Thanks again Megan! We wish you the very best.

My name is Candice. My husband and I celebrated our first anniversary in October 2011 and we’re preparing to welcome our first baby any day now.  Can’t wait!

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Meet Tim

January 26th, 2012

Hello readers of the Stronger Marriage blog! I am so happy to be a part of this educational and entertaining blog and I hope my humble entries help contribute to stronger marriages in our community. Before I begin contributing weekly, I’d like to take a moment to introduce myself. My name is Tim and I will be adding my newly married voice to this blog as I have been happily married for almost two months! And I’ll say that the last two months has been an interesting journey.  More to come in later blogs!

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My Final Thoughts

January 8th, 2012

me with my husband and son, August 2011

This post is really bittersweet for me. It is my last post as the Stronger Marriage blogger and I’m sad to go. But I’m also excited to see where the blog will go next and what the new writers have in store. We decided long ago that it would be a good idea to rotate the blogger periodically to keep things fresh and new.

Writing for the Stronger Marriage blog has truly been a dream come true. I have always wanted to write for couples and families but felt like it was too far-fetched to ever really achieve. But then this incredible opportunity came along and I have loved every minute of it. Read the rest of this entry »

Couple Inventory for the New Year

December 28th, 2011

As the New Year approaches, people are starting to think of new resolutions and goals to make. But along with the goal to go to the gym more often, what about also making new goals that will help you have a happier marriage?

Although it is always good to have regular discussions with your spouse about how you can improve your relationship, the New Year is a good time to have a couple inventory discussion about how the last year was and how you want to improve in the coming year. Read the rest of this entry »

Crossroads of Divorce? Consider Carefully.

December 21st, 2011

I heard a story today from a woman who has been married for well over 30 years. She talked about how the first few years of her marriage were really hard, especially after the birth of their first child. She said that she went through a period of unhappiness where she felt a lot of hurt and anger towards her husband. She even said that the thought of leaving her husband crossed her mind more than once.

Her story really touched me and brought me to tears. I would be lying if I said I never thought about ending my marriage. Even though I have only been married for two-and-a-half years, they have still not been easy ones. Days full of school, work, and child rearing, as well as a heaping dose of financial struggles lead to high, emotional stress. And sometimes the easiest solution is to get angry and blame one another. Read the rest of this entry »